4. Magical Medieval Medicine
Medieval medicine may have tasted like a hug from an Iron Maiden but it's a bitter grimace that healed all of Europe. Here's what you can learn from it.
Fondly called the Dark Ages, Medieval times were anything but dark. They were a boom for agriculture and a welcome liberation from Rome. While there may not have been an abundance of records, people did have to look after their welfare especially with the presence of Valhalla loving Vikings.
What did folk of this age do when they got sick? They didn’t roll over and accept it or Europe wouldn’t be the powerhouse it is today. Yes, they did partake in many questionable activities that grab history book headlines. Bloodletting and rubbing themselves with enchanted stones were like Medieval aspirin. For the most part, they relied on herbal remedies that tasted of boiled sasquatch fur.
Power Medicines
A book, catchily titled: Cotton Ms Vitellius C III, details the thousand-year-old remedies these people used, many of which were very similar to Ayurvedic plants like garlic to milk thistle. It is tempting to discount these when some healing remedies suggested you needed to stand beneath a Willow tree with breast milk on your lip and a fast dog at your heels. That said, many do still work.
As the remedies changed over the decades, so did the ancient stories used to capture and spread the medicinal knowledge. Fairy tales, in their first incarnations were designed to turn stories into medication. Such is the case with this first version of the Disney staple, Snow White. This story can boast at having over 50 different accounts, but here’s the one that has unquestionably served as a teacher to a great many.
The Real Snow White
An innkeeper’s wife was famous for being the prettiest woman in the land, but she longed for a child with fair skin and black hair. Sadly, she could not fall pregnant because she was always sickly, so she prayed next to their well each day. After many years, a response finally echoed from inside the well.
“Who said that?” she cried as she looked inside the well to discover a single trout.
What she did not know is that this trout was possessed by a spider-faced demon.
“If you wish to have a child, drink elderflower tea daily, but it will come at a cost,” said the trout, it’s words echoing off the well’s stone walls.
The innkeeper’s wife didn’t wait to hear the cost. Instead, she ate elderflower daily, felt better and months later she bore a gorgeous little girl called Snow White.
Years went past. The girl grew and became so beautiful that the inn was always full of patrons who came to marvel at her flawlessly pale skin and dark hair. One day, while her mother drew water, the trout spoke again.
“What you’ve gained in a Snow White, you’ve lost in your own beauty,” said the trout. “If you were to eat her insides, the patrons would come to see you instead of her. Everyone would agree you were the most beautiful in the land.”
The mother refused at first, but each time she drew water the trout said the same thing. Eventually she became so tormented that she had to take Valerian root tea each night to sleep. While asleep she instructed her servant to take Snow White into woods to kill her and bring back her heart and lungs so she could eat them. Reluctantly, the servant agreed but brought back the lungs of a recently killed badger which the innkeeper’s wife ate while she was asleep.
After many days in the forest, Snow White found the secret home of 17 robbers who were in agony with gout caused by their love of wine. She brewed an herbal tea made from crushed stinging nettles that healed the robbers who allowed her to stay.
At first, the innkeeper’s wife was mortified by her request. It only took one day before she grew happy as the inn’s patrons began to marvel at her beauty once more. Eventually the trout’s echo came from the well.
“Snow White lives still with robbers in the forest. She is the fairest in the land.”
Immediately, Snow White’s mother picked the poisonous red berries of the Bittersweet vine and set off into the forest. After finding the robbers house, she placed the bittersweet berries below the cranberry bush. Snow White mistook the bittersweet berries for cranberries, ate them and fell into a deep sleep that lasted years.
Her sleepy body was housed in the robber’s house. One of the robbers used to look at her each day, for he knew he’d never have a chance with a woman as beautiful as Snow White. One day, he took the opportunity to kiss her on the lips. At the time, he’d been eating cowslip and she woke up.
Snow White returned to the inn to be reunited with her father and when her mother saw her, she was so overcome with shame that she jumped into the well and drowned, much to the demon’s delight.
Moral Of The Story
Should you avoid becoming prettier than your mother? If you’re going to get drugged, you should do it near forest thieves? No! The moral is that not every bitter plant has a Disney ending. Many of them do help, but only when eaten in small amounts. Eating too much will be about as fun as a beard of bees. Many plants evolved poisonous traits because they could not uproot themselves to evade predators.
So why are certain berries toxic if most fruit seeds need to be dispersed by being eaten? Well, not all berries or plants are noxious to all animals, just humans. Plenty of deer or birds can eat the fruits we can’t. This is an important lesson about bitter foods. Eat with caution. Small amounts are good. To this end, these are the European bitter herbs found in Snow White’s tale and what they can give to you to this day without the need for a talking trout to enter your water supply.
Cowslip
This is part of the primrose family and is so respected that London hills carry its name. A diuretic, it can help fight sleeplessness, asthma and even offer relief from coughs. Most importantly, it’s used to combat heart failure and even muscle spasms. A spasm in medieval times could be rather dangerous considering anyone gyrating suspiciously may have been rewarded with a spell in the stocks.
Valerian root
This is often called nature’s Valium thanks to its ability to help people get on the nod. When times were tough, valerian root was the go-to for chilling. Today it’s used to treat hyperactivity, ease anxiety, and help keep focus. Most notably, it’s one of the oldest sleep elixirs that was probably the kind of date rape drug used on an unfortunate Sleeping Beauty.
Elderflower
Not only does this plant’s deliver a killer cordial that begs for gin, but it something every garden should have because it’s like having doctor rooted in your lawn. It can reduce blood sugar, fight colds, has antihistamine properties, and even puts a pin in joint inflammation. Back then, it was go-to for chicken box and measles. Today, it’s an overall health elixir you can enjoy pretty much whenever you feel like it, especially at happy hour.
Stinging nettle
Here’s a plant that’ll make you break out into boiling red rash that would make Candy Man envious. Got it? Good, now go and eat it if you want to reduce your inflammation, even though it makes you look extra inflamed. Weird, yet true. It’s been used to fight arthritis, settle enlarged prostates, ease hay fever, and promote liver health because it’s full of antioxidants. Just don’t touch it.
Idea Reinforcement
We love to recycle timeworn ways of doing things. Minimalism. Earthing. Paleo dieting. The nostalgia of the old, is the vanguard of the new. Want to start a profitable movement? Appropriate an ancient idea from a distant culture, slap a flashy graphic on it and you have a new trend. It was done with yoga, meditation, sushi, and everything else we love. The rest of these newsletters aren’t going to pummel you with the idea that bitter foods are ancient, therefore they’re good. You get the point.
Conversely, there’s always enough evidence to support just about every perspective on any topic to the point where you could justify building a casino on the moon. Instead, you need to know when and how to use bitterness because it is powerful, but only in the same way that a unicorn is magical, fantastical and a little bit stabby. You’re advised to be cautious and question everything and learn how to improve your life by solving the problems unique to your life situation. To start understanding yourself, you need to understand why you probably hate bitter flavors because this is the only way to truly embrace the suck. Learning to love the suck is how you’ll be healthier, stronger and have enough smile to power a thousand rainbows. That’s what you can expect in the next instalment.
Bittersweet Tip 6: Sting Yourself Stronger
Stinging nettles are possibly the world’s most unfriendly plants. They’re doing everything in their power to repel you, even if you keep going forward with Terminator-like programming. You’ll be rewarded says a systematic review in the journal Molecules. Despite being irritating to your skin; these are the health benefits the research found.
High in antioxidant to fight free radical damage
Antimicrobial
Treats painful muscles and joints
Eases eczema, gout, and anemia
How can you eat more if you can’t touch them? You can prep them in careful ways. You can eat the roots, seeds, steams, and leaves. When dried it sting is neutralized and can be made into teas, added to smoothies, soups or stews. Fresh leaves can be steamed or boiled to neutralize their sting and can be added to any casserole or soup and the taste is indistinguishable from spinach. Think of it as the plant kingdom’s version of puffer fish sushi.